The Importance of Friendship in Christian Life

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts God has given us. It provides support, encouragement, and companionship through life’s joys and struggles. Over the past year, I have been reflecting on the nature of true friendship, especially as a follower of Christ. Difficult times led me to depend more on my friends, but I also realized that deep, honest friendships were rare. Many relationships, particularly among men, lack emotional openness, making it hard to form meaningful bonds. Fear of judgment or rejection often holds people back. Questions like, “Would they still accept me if they knew my thoughts and struggles?” can create walls between friends. However, the truth is that no one is as “normal” as they appear. Genuine friendships embrace imperfections rather than conform to society’s unrealistic standards. So, what does Christian friendship look like?

Friendship and Carrying Burdens

The Bible teaches that true friendship is about bearing each other’s burdens. Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” The Greek word for burden, baros, refers to a heavy weight – something that hinders movement or causes grief. Paul encourages believers to find freedom in Christ, but burdens like sin, struggles, and emotional pain can make that difficult. By sharing these burdens with friends, we help one another stay on the path of faith.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls this the “ministry of bearing.” He explains that Christian love is about supporting one another, even when our own love is imperfect. Friendship rooted in Christ enables us to sustain each other, reminding us that our worth is found in Him, not in our struggles. In this way, bearing burdens is not just about helping friends through hard times but about strengthening their identity in Christ.

Love as the Foundation of Friendship

Paul’s teachings on love shape his view of friendship. He speaks of agape love – a deep, selfless commitment – rather than philia, which is the affection shared between friends. Love, according to Paul, is not just about actions but about who we are. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, he describes love as patient, kind, humble, and enduring. Unlike the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of love as “deep affection,” Paul sees love as a lifelong commitment to seeking the good of another. Christian friendship, therefore, is not just about companionship but about living as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Scot McKnight, in his book Pastor Paul, identifies four key pillars of Christian friendship: covenant, presence, advocacy, and Christoformity (becoming like Christ). These pillars provide a strong foundation for friendships that are deeply rooted in faith.

Covenant: Commitment in Friendship

The first pillar, covenant, refers to a strong and unwavering commitment. Throughout the Bible, God shows His covenant love to His people, even when they waver in their faith. We see this same kind of commitment in friendships like Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David, and Paul and his ministry partners. While human friendships may not be as perfect as God’s covenant, they can still be built on the idea of lasting commitment. A friendship grounded in covenant love creates a safe space for honesty and confession, strengthening trust and intimacy.

Presence: The Power of Being There

Jesus demonstrated the importance of presence in relationships. He listened, rejoiced, and grieved with His friends, never rushing through His interactions. In a fast-paced world, being truly present in friendship is a rare gift. Bonhoeffer, in Life Together, explains that being alone in sin can lead to isolation, but confession in the presence of a friend brings freedom. When friends create a space for honesty, sin loses its power, and true healing begins. Presence fosters an environment where both people can find peace, knowing they are fully seen and loved. Genuine friendships are not just about shared experiences but about creating a refuge where both individuals can grow in faith together.

Advocacy: Standing Up for Each Other

Advocacy means standing by a friend’s side, defending and supporting them, just as Barnabas did for Paul in Acts 23. The Greek word parakaleó (encourage) closely aligns with paraklétos (advocate), used to describe Christ’s role in 1 John 2:1. Just as Christ advocates for us, we must advocate for our friends, praying for them and encouraging them in their faith. Barnabas’ support allowed Paul to move forward in his calling. Likewise, a friend’s encouragement can help us overcome self-doubt and grow in confidence. Advocacy is not just about defending a friend in difficult times – it’s about actively helping them become the person God has called them to be.

Christoformity: Growing Together in Christ

The ultimate goal of Christian friendship is Christoformity – becoming more like Jesus. McKnight explains that to love someone is to be so committed to them that we desire their spiritual growth. Friendship is not just about companionship; it is about helping each other grow in faith. Paul understood that sin can block our path to becoming more like Christ, which is why gentle restoration is essential. True friends help one another recognize sin, seek forgiveness, and walk in righteousness. A strong Christian community encourages one another to pursue holiness, ensuring that no one has to struggle alone.

The Beauty of Christian Friendship

St. Augustine wrote, “In friendship, rough things become smooth, heavy burdens are lightened, and difficulties are overcome.” This perfectly captures the essence of Galatians 6:2 and the role of friendship in the Christian life. A Christ-centered friendship is more than just companionship – it is a source of strength, accountability, and encouragement.

As someone who has battled depression and struggled with personal failures, I know the power of true friendship. The ministry of bearing allows me to share my burdens and receive support from those who genuinely care. It gives me a space to reflect on my character and grow in faith. In such friendships, I find encouragement to love my neighbor as myself, even when life feels overwhelming.

The beauty of Christian friendship is that it is reciprocal. The one who bears another’s burden also finds their own burdens carried. Friendships built on covenant, presence, advocacy, and Christoformity become sources of life and joy. They are free from self-interest and superficiality, instead focusing on genuine love, acceptance, and encouragement. In these friendships, we can look one another in the eye, fully aware of our flaws, yet confident that we are loved and supported.

I still have a long way to go in learning to love my friends as Christ loves me. I am still working on being more open and trusting. But I find hope in the friendships that reflect the ministry of bearing. Walking the narrow path of faith is not easy, but with strong, Christ-centered friendships, we do not have to walk it alone.

Reference List

1. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (SCM Press, 2015), 77.
2. Scot McKnight, Pastor Paul (Theological Explorations for the Church Catholic): Nurturing a Culture of Christoformity in the Church (Brazos Press, 2019).
3. McKnight, Pastor Paul, 86.
4. McKnight, Pastor Paul, 41.
5. McKnight, Pastor Paul, 41.
6. Bonhoeffer, Life Together, 86–89.
7. McKnight, Pastor Paul, 44.
8. St. Augustine of Hippo, The Letters of St. Augustine (Jazzybee Verlag, 2015), 261.